Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
