FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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