I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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