mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
babies were throwing up all over the place
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
