he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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