Plan B is the new Plan A
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize