Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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