Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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