this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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