This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize