Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
