If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
