So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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