that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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