in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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