i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
