I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
