One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
