He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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