i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
