He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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