Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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