I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm passing your future prison.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
