You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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