being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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