the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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