she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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