she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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