I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
