I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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