Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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