I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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