I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
