It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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