I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
