Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
