How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
