She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
