Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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