my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
