He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
