you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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