Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
