I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
