yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
