Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
