What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize
