God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
