Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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