They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
