Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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