the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
