i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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