there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
