dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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