ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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