Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
