Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
