2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
