I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
