Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
