they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
