god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
