Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
