accomplished twins. life is a go
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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